|“||Life will always find a way to continue. Always. Life will out.||”|
— Amelia Shepherd
Amelia Shepherd is the youngest sister of Derek Shepherd. She is a neurosurgeon, and was officially employed at Seaside Health and Wellness with privileges at St. Ambrose Hospital. She relocated to Seattle and took Derek's job as the Head of Neurosurgery at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. While in Los Angeles, she was engaged to Ryan Kerrigan until his death and later to James Peterson until she moved to Seattle. After moving to Seattle, she had a short-lived marriage to Owen Hunt.
When she was 5, she and Derek witnessed their father's murder in a convenience store. She said that afterward her world fell apart and she was in a "dark place" for a long time. During her teenage years, she was so wild and out of control that she was called Hurricane Amelia. To escape her pain she began using pills after a friend offered her her first one. She overdosed and was dead for 3 minutes but Derek saved her life. This experience urged her to get sober, which she maintained to be for many years.
Staying in Los AngelesEdit
Part of Dr. Geraldine Ginsberg's team, Amelia joined her boss in Los Angeles to consult on Kayla Lindy's case, knowing she would meet her former sister-in-law Addison Forbes Montgomery, as her name was all over the case. Dr. Ginsberg found there was nothing she could do for Kayla, but Amelia firmly offered the family an option of hope in the form an experimental surgery. Geraldine promptly fired Amelia from her team for stepping up to her, but Kayla's husband asked Amelia to perform the surgery.
Reconciliation with DerekEdit
Despite not having talked to him for a while, when Amelia heard that Derek got shot, she was so shocked by this that she started smoking. Addison took her cigarettes away when they were going to visit Dell's grave, where Amelia mentioned that the world was a crappy place because of the horrible things that happened lately, like Dell's death and Derek being shot. When she got bored at Addison's house, she visited the practice, hoping there was a patient she could operate on. She talked to Addison and told her that she called and e-mailed Derek to find out how he was doing, but he did not return her calls, nor did he reply to her e-mails. Addison then told her that he was doing fine. Amelia was surprised that Derek had talked to Addison, while he hadn't talked to her. "That kinda says it all, doesn't it?" Amelia said. When Amelia later told Addison that she wanted to go somewhere, Addison told her to start in Seattle and convinced her that Derek already hated her, so she had nothing to lose by visiting him. "I'm gonna start in Seattle," Amelia then said.
Joining the PracticeEdit
Amelia approached Naomi about a job at the practice, referring to herself as a kick-ass, world-class catch. Naomi asked Amelia why she would want to join the practice, as it was a much smaller and conservative gig than she was used to. Initially, Amelia claimed that the practice would be a good environment to broaden her skill set, but Naomi told her not to give the rehearsed answer. Amelia admitted that she had nowhere else to go where she was not alone. The next day, Naomi hired Amelia to work at the practice.
Struggles with SobrietyEdit
At Charlotte and Cooper's wedding, Amelia, as the maid of honor, took an accidental sip of champagne, mistaking it for the ginger ale she had ordered at the wedding reception. She spit it out, but the accidental slip sparked her craving for alcohol again.
Amelia really started craving alcohol again and went to tell Charlotte about her accidental slip. Charlotte told her not to let it turn into an actual fall as it was just an accident.
Behind Charlotte's back, Amelia did start drinking again and operated on a man drunk. Charlotte soon found out and revoked Amelia's surgical privileges at the hospital, thus effectively removing Amelia from the surgical rotation.
Amelia fully gave into her craving and got drunk at a bar. She was dancing on the bar when a quarrel with another woman caused her to fall off the bar and cut her hand open. As the bartender took away her keys, she called Sheldon, who drove her to the hospital. Amelia stitched up her own hand after Sheldon numbed it. Amelia, being the best neurosurgeon, was paged as Pete required brain surgery. Amelia ignored Charlotte's objections and operated, claiming Pete didn't have the time to wait for the other neurosurgeon. The surgery went well and Amelia went to Charlotte to tell her she never had problems with booze, but Charlotte took that as a sign she was in trouble and informed her her privileges were still revoked. Sheldon then drove Amelia home.
As Addison moved in with Sam, Amelia had the house to herself and threw a housewarming party. She claimed she didn't drink at the party, though, and showed Charlotte her 30 day sobriety chip later that day. Charlotte said she'd think about putting her back on the surgical rotation, angering Amelia, as she only opened up about her addiction struggles because Charlotte needed her to. She felt like Charlotte was punishing her harder than she'd do to other people. After a talk with Sheldon, Charlotte followed the book and had Amelia take a breathalyzer test. It was negative, so Charlotte welcomed her back on the surgical rotation. Amelia stated she'd be going to a meeting, but rather go alone. However, that night, Amelia drank an entire bottle of wine by herself while watching TV.
Amelia returned to AA, humiliated to be back at day 1, realizing she had things to lose in her life. Charlotte, meanwhile, kept checking up on Amelia, who called her a bitch for being so controlling. Amelia made it to 3 days, which she told Sheldon was a start.
After six months in Italy, Michelle returned to Los Angeles as her symptoms had progressed. She reminded Amelia of her promise to help her die once that happened. Amelia brought it up to her colleagues, and they reminded her that's considered murder in California, despite the fact that it may be right thing to do to stop Michelle's suffering. Amelia decided to do it anyway and administer drugs that would end Michelle's life. They had decided they'd pretend that Amelia found her after staging an overdose of pills. Amelia started injecting the drugs, but Michelle had a bad reaction and told her stop. She was taken to the ER, where Pete managed to save her life. Amelia later made a pact with Michelle to move in together, so she could care for Michelle, who in return could help her to stay sober. However, that night, Amelia went to Michelle's house for a girl's night, only to find Michelle dead on her bed, having taken an overdose of pills for real. Amelia called the cops, and swallowed some pills with wine as soon as they left.
Michelle's death pushed her over the edge. She started partying hard. One morning, Amelia woke up with a handsome, but unknown man next to her. She threw him out to go to work. She did another breathalyzer test at the hospital, which was negative. Charlotte offered her a leave of absence to mourn Michelle's death, but Amelia just wanted Charlotte off her back. Amelia went home "sick" and found out the man hadn't left and was sitting on her deck. They formally introduced themselves as they couldn't remember their first encounter. Amelia then had sex with Ryan again. Knowing she truly liked him, Ryan then revealed he had pills. They cut them up and inhaled the powder. One of Amelia's patients required emergency surgery, but Amelia didn't answer her phone as she and Ryan were high in bed. That night, Amelia wrote them a prescription for more pills, which Ryan went to get at the pharmacy. Charlotte, having figured out that the breathalyzer test was negative because Amelia had started to take pills again, showed up at the house right when Ryan returned from the pharmacy. Charlotte wanted to tell Amelia off, but Amelia simply stated she quit her job and closed the door on her.
The next morning, Addison dropped by and met Ryan. Amelia told her she took the day off to be with Ryan. They bumped into Cooper and Mason at a taco stand, where Cooper noticed a rude-ish Amelia didn't look well. Addison dropped by again that night, as she and the others were worried about her. Amelia didn't want a lecture and told Addison they stopped being family when Addison cheated on her brother, so Addison could stop worrying over her. Amelia and Ryan fled to a hotel, where they got to know each other better. She forgot to pack her prescription pad, so she had to go to the practice to get another. She forgot to turn the alarm off, so the police busted her. Charlotte, being on call for the practice, showed up and confirmed Amelia was a doctor at the practice. The officers left, and Charlotte asked Amelia for the prescription pad she knew Amelia had come to pick up. Amelia gave her one, told Charlotte to stay out of her life, and revealed she had another prescription pad in her pocket as the elevator doors closed. Back at the hotel, Amelia came down and discovered that Ryan had invited friends over, who thanked her for the scripts. Ryan threw them out as they made Amelia feel uncomforable. At night, he and Amelia started using intravenous drugs.
Intervention and RehabEdit
Addison and the others at Seaside Wellness staged an intervention. They attempted to talk to her but she was too angry and aggressive to properly listen. After a lot of rude and insulting comments towards her friends, hitting them in their weak spots about their problems, Amelia eventually suffered from withdrawal symptoms. She saw through their attempt to give her Buprenorphine, which would make her symptoms disappear and prevent other drugs from getting her high, and demanded they give her more oxycodone. In return, she would stay and listen.
The other doctors agreed on not supporting her addiction by giving her the drugs, but Addison and Sheldon went and got some pills anyway. High and finally able to listen to their pledges, Amelia actually seemed to agree to go to rehab until Ryan arrived at the practice. Seeing he wore the watch that once belonged to Amelia's dead father, Addison confronted her about how stealing it and giving it away would make Amelia's mother feel. When Amelia didn't properly answer, Addison attempted to tell the story of how her father had died in front of everyone so they could understand what was going on. Immediately, Amelia had an aggressive breakdown, even threatening to kill Addison if she ever told that story to anyone. She and Ryan then quickly left. In their hotel room, both decided to take the last drugs they had and after that, to get sober together. The next morning, Amelia woke up to find Ryan not breathing beside her. He had died of an overdose. This experience destroyed Amelia. After the cops arrived, she told them to call Addison Forbes Montgomery, and tell her that Amelia was ready for rehab.
Pregnancy and BirthEdit
Amelia had a boyfriend, Ryan, with whom she did drugs when she relapsed after her best friend committed suicide. One night, they decided to take the rest of their drugs and get sober the next day. Amelia woke up the next morning to discover Ryan dead. She later found out she was pregnant (she thought she was just experiencing withdrawal symptoms). It turned out the baby was anencephalic (had no brain). She decided to donate the baby's organs. There was a lot of debate within the practice about it, though the organ donation ultimately occurred, saving the lives of several other infants.
Getting Her Life Back on TrackEdit
After donating her baby's organs, Amelia continued to go to meetings. Soon after she was one year sober, she met the new ER attending James Peterson, who showed a romantic interest towards Amelia. After some struggles, they began a relationship. At Sam and Naomi's second wedding, James promised her that they would get married one day.
Engagement and Relocating to SeattleEdit
Somewhere near the end of March 2014, James proposed to her. She accepted, but the engagement made her freak out. She traveled to Seattle to tell Derek what happened. She realized that the engagement meant that she was likely to face a different kind of life, the kind that he and Meredith have. So she came over and visit to see what her life would be if she accepted the engagement. Happy to have found a temporary solution to his and Meredith's problem of combining their careers and family he left her to spend an entire day with the kids. She played with them, cooked dinner, and put them to bed, but when Meredith and Derek came home, they found a completely wrecked Amelia in a messy house. Amelia broke down and told them she couldn't do this. She confessed she didn't just come to Seattle to observe their life; she came here to see if she could do it. She wanted the whole kids, family, and career thing with James, but she realized that she just wouldn't be able to do it as she was already wrecked after one day. Having received an enormous blow to her self esteem, she ran off crying.
She decided to stay with her brother in Seattle for a while. They worked together on a case to separate conjoined twins who shared brain matter. Even though he unintentionally treated her like an incompetent surgeon, she (well aware that she was in his shadow) proved him wrong by saving the twin who was assigned to her care after the actual separation. At the end of the day, Derek told her that Callie Torres needed an exceptional neurosurgeon for her project, as he was busy with the Presidential project now, and that he recommended her. Amelia objected that she didn't live in Seattle, but he suggested she should, adding he liked having her with him.
Amelia had several phone conversations with her fiancé while continuously postponing her return to Los Angeles, resulting in fights with James. She settled in and started bonding with Meredith. They had a surgery planned together, and during the preparation, Amelia ignored several incoming calls. Meredith told her that just because she and Derek were juggling their lives, they didn't need to keep Amelia from her work for that. Amelia snapped at her that she liked her better as the sister-in-law who didn't give a crap about her life and asked if they could go back to that. In surgery, Meredith, thinking she and Derek made Amelia feel obligated to stay with them, told Amelia she could go back home when Derek would come from DC that night. Amelia thought she was kicking her out, but it was not that, as Meredith and Derek loved having her in Seattle, but they didn't want to keep her from her life. Amelia was extremely relieved, as she loved Seattle as well. She compared it to her life in Los Angeles, where she would've had a six-hour conversation if she'd snapped at someone like she did at Meredith. She then revealed that her fights with James weren't about her leaving for Seattle; they were about her not wanting to ever leave again. After the surgery, she confided in Meredith that James is amazing and that he helped her through some stuff, but now she's on the other side and she - realizing it sounds horrible - doesn't need him anymore. She said that at the end of the night, after having no more way of avoiding it, she would call James and break his heart by telling him she couldn't do this anymore, knowing he deserves better.
Now that Amelia decided to stay in Seattle, Derek was ready to let her take over his service so he and Meredith could move to DC for his brain-mapping project. Amelia started taking over his service on a couple of days in the week, even though he occasionally would hover over her. After a day with a lot of trauma and not losing even one patient, Amelia told Meredith that she felt so, so good about the whole situation. She didn't care anymore that she was in Derek's shadow, although the only thing that could ever make her feel better was if his shadow were gone. She said it would be okay if he and Meredith were to move to DC and became happy there. However, Meredith decided to stay in Seattle, leaving Derek to choose between staying with his family in Seattle or pursuing his professional dreams.
Finding Her Footing in SeattleEdit
After he decided to move to D.C., Amelia took over Derek's job as Head of Neurosurgery at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Now permanently staying with her brother and sister-in-law, she witnessed their hour-long fight. She soon found her way to the AA meetings in Seattle, where she heard how Richard confessed that he had a daughter. She promised to keep his secret safe, as it was anonymous for a reason.
Amelia, being one of the few people to know about Richard's relation to Maggie, befriended her later when they worked together on a case of a young girl who suffered a stroke during sexual activity. Amelia especially loved the fact that Maggie referred to Derek as the other Dr. Shepherd, whereas it usually is the other way around. Amelia became kind of jealous of her patient, as it had been a long time since she'd had really great sex, or any sex at all, a feeling that Maggie recognized. This bonded them even more, causing Maggie to open up about her problems with Meredith. Amelia assured her that while it's hard to get to know Meredith at first, she genuinely is worth knowing.
Having decided to stay in Seattle for his family, Derek couldn't help but interfere in Amelia's cases. She called him out on that and made it clear that she was now the Head of Neurosurgery. However, this didn't stop him from taking the lead on a case of hers, as he claimed it got too big for her and that he was the rightful leader of the department, having more experience on a higher level than she has. He operated on her patient behind her back, infuriating her upon finding out. She later had a talk with her brother, revealing that he was frustrated that Meredith indirectly made him feel obligated to stay. He'd never taken a step back in his career, which is why he tried to reclaim the leadership of the department. Amelia told him she recognized the feeling, as it was what he was doing to her. He assured her he hadn't done it intentionally. He was just trying to live with his choice, which Amelia pointed out she was doing too.
Finding out that Maggie was going to quit, Amelia tried to stop her from doing so by getting Derek on a case with Maggie, urging them to talk. Maggie didn't bring up that Richard and Ellis are her biological parents, and Amelia didn't want to tell Derek herself as she found out in AA and promised Richard not to tell anyone. She did encourage Derek to talk to Meredith, but since they were fighting, Derek went to ask Maggie why Amelia wanted him to talk to his wife so badly. Maggie then revealed her secret.
Finally having found her footing, Amelia was thrown off when a woman she knew from Narcotics Anonymous spilled her addiction secrets at the hospital. Derek failed to support her and even gave Owen the idea to take her job. With everyone at the hospital gossiping about her, Amelia firmly stood by her right not to tell anyone more about her problems. While Derek convinced the board that Amelia was doing her job very well, Amelia found comfort with her sister-in-law Meredith. After going to a meeting, Amelia came home, telling Derek she'd move out the next day as she couldn't forgive him for not having her back from the beginning. He revealed he felt miserable and that he didn't know what to do with life anymore, always trying to do right by the people around him, but instead hurting them. She very well knew the feeling, that she named rock bottom.
After hearing about Dr. Herman's lethal brain tumor, Amelia was interested in examining it. She, with some help from Arizona, stole her files and brain scans and quickly came to the conclusion that she may be able to save her. Dr. Herman was skeptical at first, but eventually agreed to her plan. Amelia then presented her complex plans to Dr. Webber and the residents, getting through to no-one, until Stephanie Edwards finally got it, thus earning a place in the project.
Falling for OwenEdit
Amelia and Owen's relationship remained professional up until they experienced an emotional connection after Amelia confided in him about her past drug addiction. He, in return, gave a vague description about his past and told her that everyone's a risk, and that everyone has something. Later, he asked her if she had people. She assured him that she did, and then asked him the same, telling him that if he ever needed someone, she was around.
Some time later, when Jackson and April were facing the loss of their son, Amelia sat in the chapel thinking about her own baby that she had lost. Owen entered the chapel and sat next to her. Looking at the lit candles in the front of the room, Amelia told Owen that her baby lived for 43 minutes. Owen took her hand, and the two shared a glance, before going back to watching the candles.
After this emotional and very personal encounter, Amelia did not know how to act around Owen, perhaps realizing her attraction to him. The two shared awkward dialogue filled with fluster and stuttering. While she was in surgery, Amelia told Callie that when she used to be on drugs, she had "such game." Now that she was off drugs, she had no game at all. Later, Amelia decided to go to Owen's trailer. She showed up with a bottle of sparkling water and quickly realized the awkwardness of her decision. She turned to leave and started walking away. Owen ran to her and told her to stop walking. When he reached her, he told her that he was gonna kiss her now, so she should stop talking. The two shared their first kiss.
When Owen's mother, Evelyn, came to the hospital with her much younger boyfriend, Amelia bonded with his mother and told Owen that she liked her, calling her smart and funny, though Owen was upset by the situation. Amelia tried to get him to talk to her, but Owen told her to stay the hell out of it. She walked away. Later, as she was leaving the hospital, Owen ran up to her and apologized. He told her that he was sorry for the way he spoke to her, saying that he was out of line. Amelia responded with "good," and turned to leave. Owen told her not to go, not like this, and said that the situation took him by surprise, and that he was not always good with surprises. Amelia told him that she was not either, and that maybe they should get over that. The two retreated to Owen's trailer and slept together.
Amelia confessed to Derek that she thought she was falling in love with Owen, and that she was afraid it would destroy her. Derek responded that it would not be love if it didn't.
Amelia and Callie had difficulty agreeing on a surgical procedure for a patient. Owen came into the room when he heard them arguing, and each pitched her idea to him. He eventually sided with Amelia, and they used Amelia's idea on the patient. The surgery had a negative outcome and had a detrimental effect on the patient, and Amelia told Callie that they should have done it Callie's way in the beginning. Seeing that she was upset, Owen asked Amelia what the problem was. She accused him of only siding with her because of his personal feelings for her. Owen denied it, but she told him that this was why it isn't smart to mix personal and professional, saying that they were a mistake. Owen walked off. Later, Owen tried to get Amelia to tell him what was really going on, because he wanted what they started, but he needed a little help. Amelia began to tell him that she didn't think this was the place they should be talking about this, but the phone rang for her, and she went to answer it, ending the conversation.
Later, Amelia and Owen were caught in an elevator together. Owen told her that they both know that their relationship was more, but she told him that she didn't have any more to give. Owen said that he was done, and exited the elevator. Amelia stared after him. Amelia and Owen continued having inharmonious interactions, even getting into a heated argument in front of Edwards. Following this, Amelia told Owen that she was there, ready to talk, but he was pissed at her, so she was getting punished, referring to Owen's half-hearted and monosyllabic responses. She told him that this was unfair and pushed him into an on-call room. She told him that he was hardly being civil, and he sat on the bed and explained that the case they were working on together was bringing up guilty feelings about the plane crash that he caused, saying that he put them on the plane. Amelia sat next to him and took his hand. Owen told her that he wouldn't survive another plane crash, and that was all they were. Amelia let go of his hand and left the room.
Amelia was one of the last people to speak to Derek before his fatal accident. She was in the OR as they were talking about his secret shortcut to the airport, but the connection got lost. Unknown to Amelia, that would be the last time she'd ever talk to her brother, as he later died at Dillard Medical Center after his car got hit by a truck.Amelia was one of the last people to find out about Derek's death as hospital protocol dictated that she couldn't be informed during surgery. Callie, who heard before entering the OR, had to keep a straight face throughout the entire surgery. As soon as she was done, Owen asked to talk. She immediately recognized the face, having seen it before, and asked who died. He informed her it was Derek and started to tell the details, but she shut him up, not wanting to hear any more as dead was dead. She hardened herself and said she knew how to handle this, having gone through this before. The funeral passed and Amelia was left alone when Meredith left with her kids without saying where to, and Owen left for an army mission. Throughout the following weeks, Amelia made her colleagues uncomfortable with dark jokes about her brother's death. To distract herself from her true feelings, she buried herself in her work. Months later, when Richard asked to have coffee together, she burst out, yelling that her time was crucial in order to save people, so that her patients' families wouldn't need to lose their loved ones. She also yelled that she was saving lives, contrary to the doctors that failed to save her brother. At that exact time, Owen returned from his army mission. The confrontation embarrassed Amelia and led her to buy oxy from a junkie doctor. Pacing up and down the deck of the dream house, Amelia was doubting whether to take drugs again after 1,321 days of sobriety as Owen came to visit her. She said that she had it all managed, Derek's death, and that she was fine, explaining she put on the mask of the funny girl to escape the pain. Owen managed to get through to her and said it was normal and human to let the pain and the grief in, to be completely destroyed. He also pointed out that she'd manage to build herself up again after this. Also, if she were going to take this bag of oxy, he knew it wouldn't be her last. Knowing this was true, she gave him the oxy and she broke down as she finally allowed herself to feel the pain she had been running away from for almost a year. Owen tightly hugged her as she cried.
Eventually, Meredith returned from San Diego with her new baby daughter, Ellis. Amelia helped her take care of the kids, but she resented Meredith for not having called her to the hospital before the plug was pulled on her brother. On top of that, Meredith decided to put out feelers for the house with a real estate agent without notifying Amelia. These feelings of anger and resentment came to the surface when Meredith wanted to give up on their patient during a field rotation. Amelia directly asked Meredith when she personally decided to give up on someone. Meredith apologized for the house situation and for leaving after Derek's death. Amelia says Meredith should have called her, as she might have been able to pull off a miracle to save Derek's life. Meredith again stated that it was too late back then. Amelia repeated Meredith should have called her, and she blurted out that Meredith was the reason that she didn't get to say goodbye to her brother. After having said this, Amelia left, after which Meredith broke down crying.
This made Meredith realize she hadn't been a good sister to Amelia and as a peace offering, she gave Amelia her old phone, which contained a voice mail message from Derek from the day he died. Later, at Richard and Catherine's wedding party, Owen found Amelia sitting in Meredith's bedroom by herself with the phone in her hands. Amelia informed him about the message and that she couldn't get herself to hit play. Owen sat down and hit play for her. He then wanted to give her privacy to hear Derek's words, but she grabbed his hand to make him stay. Hearing Derek talk about his plans for his family and the ferry boat, Amelia got emotional. The message made her forgive Meredith and Amelia sat down with her and Maggie on the deck. Seeing everyone happy and dancing in the living room, Meredith told them that it was Derek's wish to fill the house with noise and people, so she wanted this to be her last memory of the house. Meredith noticed the two women were in need of dancing it out, so she took their hands and dragged them inside to do so.
Starting Over with Owen and Brief RelapseEdit
Although Amelia and Owen did not have an established romantic relationship, they continued with an amicable one. On the porch of Meredith's house, which Amelia shared with her and Maggie, she was telling Owen that she did not want to go inside, referring to the tension between her and Meredith. She continued to talk, and Owen kissed her mid-sentence.
Following the kiss, Amelia was confused about the nature of her relationship with Owen, telling Maggie and Meredith that she thought they were just friends. Amelia and Owen continued throughout the day with awkward encounters, only speaking directly on one occasion. Later, they were again caught in an elevator together. Owen stopped the elevator and asked her why she wouldn't talk to him, and she told him that she was confused. Owen said they should talk about it, and Amelia agreed. The two shared a passionate kiss.
Amelia tried to get Owen to open up to her about his problems with Riggs, but he told her that he was not like her and didn't need to talk everything to death. He said to listen to the words he was saying and that he didn't want her help, not with this. He stormed away angrily. Later, Amelia went to a bar, and Riggs bought her a drink, leading up to her relapse.
After getting sober and earning her 30 day chip, Amelia and Owen went back to having an amicable, platonic relationship. After learning that Amelia had been sleeping at the hospital since being kicked out of Meredith's home, he told her that she could always stay with him. Amelia said it wouldn't be a good idea for her sobriety, but that she was going to need dinner. They agreed to get dinner that night. Later, when they were supposed to leave, Owen, who was upset due to another confrontation with Riggs asked her if they could do it another night. She said okay, but that she didn't know how to do this thing he did where he made her feel like crap even though there were no words coming out of his mouth. She said that he'd call her, maybe or maybe not, and maybe she would not care. She turned to leave and started walking, but Owen stopped her by telling her that he had a sister. Owen gave her a vague reason of why he had such an issue with Riggs. Amelia gave him some advice, and then they went to get dinner.
After spending a night with Owen, Amelia told him the next day that it was wrong of her to come over, saying that she should not be starting anything new. She continued to tell him that she screwed everything up and that she didn't want him to be one of those things. Later, in an on-call room, Owen told her they are not starting anything new. He said that if they wanted to start a clean slate, they could do that, but they should do it. They agreed to start over.
Amelia knocked on the door of Owen's trailer, as they were supposed to be eating dinner together because his birthday was approaching. Owen opened the door, very obviously drunk because of another confrontation with Riggs. Owen was stumbling around and muttering, and Amelia said that she was going to go, knowing that because of all the alcohol that is around, being around Owen at the moment could compromise her sobriety. She ran from the trailer, crying.
The next day, Amelia didn't see Owen until later, having taken the day off work. That night, he approached her on the front porch of Meredith's house and apologized, telling her that it wouldn't happen again. She told him that she appreciated his words, but that she couldn't count on them, saying that she could only count on herself and so she couldn't do that with him right now, and maybe not ever. She asked him to leave.
Amelia and Owen continued with a professional, but friendly relationship. In the attendings' lounge, Owen confessed to Amelia that it was his fault that his sister boarded the helicopter that she disappeared on. Amelia hugged him, telling him that he didn't mean to.
Meredith, Maggie, and the kids walked in on Amelia and Owen naked on the couch. In the car, Meredith and Maggie teased her, but Amelia told them she and Owen could not be in a relationship. At the end of the day, as the three were leaving the hospital, Meredith told Amelia that she had happiness, but she kept throwing it away. She told her to stop the drama and get on with it already. Amelia turned around and started running. She took a cab to Owen's trailer, and told him that they were not the kind of people who say "I love you." She said that a relationship with him would be messy and scary, but it was harder to love someone than to walk away from them. Owen told her that if they were to be together, he would end up screwing all of it up. Amelia said that she would, too. Owen took her hand and said, "let's screw some things up," and then kissed her.
Marriage to Owen and SeparationEdit
Not long after deciding to be a couple for real, Amelia and Owen began to have hypothetical discussions about weddings, kids, and a life together. After Owen bought a house of his own and implied that Amelia was welcome to move in with him, she ended up proposing to him, wanting to move from merely talking about their future to actually building their life together. He said yes.
Now engaged, the couple quickly began to plan their wedding. Two weeks later, on the day of her wedding, Amelia phoned her mother only to find out that neither she nor any of her sisters was going to attend the ceremony, believing it to be just another rushed decision and even doubting Amelia's sobriety. Her family's betrayal left Amelia devastated and she began to doubt whether she was doing the right thing after all. Her doubts were only amplified upon overhearing Meredith discussing Cristina with Owen, and before long, Amelia was escaping her own wedding with Meredith and Maggie. After taking her time to freak out and sort her thoughts, however, Amelia decided to go back to Owen, who had patiently been waiting for her, and ended up walking down the aisle after all. After the ceremony, she and Owen danced all night at their reception.
Soon after the wedding, she moved into Owen's house. The wedding photographer asked them to choose their favorite pictures, and seeing Owen and Nathan happy at the wedding, she secretly invited Nathan for dinner. While working with Jo, she was confronted with how Jo's life had fallen apart and invited her as well. That night, Maggie and Meredith also showed up as Owen had urged them to come so he wouldn't have to talk to Nathan. During the party, she noticed that despite some effort, things would remain awkward between Owen and Nathan and she decided to give. After all the guests had gone home, Amelia sat down with Owen and showed him a picture of him and Nathan. She explained she's a fixer and urged him to attempt to fix things with Nathan so they could again be as close and happy as they once were.
While Amelia enjoyed married life and the sex that comes with it, Maggie and Meredith began to fight as the latter refused to listen to Maggie talking about Nathan. Maggie confided to Amelia that it seemed to annoy Meredith, so Amelia went to tell Meredith that she should listen to Maggie as a good sister would.
Upon discovering that Owen goes to church, Amelia realized that there was so much they didn't know about each other as they rushed into marriage. In the process, she jokingly said she couldn't have kids with someone she barely knew. She found it scary not to know everything as some things might scare the other one. He questioned how bad it could be, leading her to walk away. That night, she opened up to him about Ryan's death. He then told her about his choking Cristina and assured her their kids would be just fine. She told him she couldn't wait to have kids, to which he replied they didn't need to wait.
Two months after the wedding, Amelia was late and immediately thought she was pregnant. She confided in Meredith as she caught Amelia looking for a pregnancy test in the supply closet. As she went to talk to Owen, she was interrupted by Jackson, who handed Harriet to Owen. Amelia then decided to talk to him later. Maggie and April found out before Amelia actually took the test, which she hesitated to do as she didn't know how to tell Owen. She told April that last time she was pregnant, she didn't have to tell the father as he had died. Amelia then took the test home and told Owen that she might be pregnant. She then actually took the test. While waiting for the result, Owen already started to talk about a nursery. However, the test was negative. Owen told Amelia that they had just started and that they could keep trying.
However, Amelia was secretly relieved. She snuck out in the morning and worked all day while Owen attempted to talk to her. She finally told him that she was fine with not being pregnant. She figured they could enjoy being newlyweds before adding pressure by trying to have kids. He agreed if that's what she wanted. After losing a young boy, an emotional Amelia confided in Alex and told him about her baby boy, including the fact that nobody in her family knew the whole story. She admitted she was afraid Owen would hate her if he found out because he wanted a family so bad. Alex doubted that and advised her to tell Owen. Owen later asked her to grab dinner together, but she declined to avoid him.
To avoid talking to Owen, she took case after case and didn't come home for two weeks. This led to a lot of friction between the two. The arguing continued over a case, until Amelia finally admitted that she didn't want to have a baby. After the ensuing fight, she went to Meredith's and asked for a place to sleep. Alex first told her no so she would have to fix her crap, but then offered her his room upon hearing that she had finally told Owen. They continued to live apart for a while. Amelia briefly returned home when she decided to leave Owen. She left him a note asking him not to make this his fault, knowing that that is what he does.
Figuring that Owen would look for her at Meredith's, she went to stay with Stephanie and ignored Owen's calls as she took a few days leave. While Stephanie asked her to at least let her tell Owen something, Amelia said no because then Owen would want to fix the situation while it couldn't be fixed. Behind Amelia's back, Stephanie did tell Owen that she was safe and sober. Owen showed up at Stephanie's and asked Amelia to open the door, because it would only get harder to open the door the longer she stayed inside. Since Amelia didn't respond, Owen asked Stephanie to let her know that he was done waiting. Amelia then moved back to Meredith's house, where Alex offered her his bed. She spent a lot of her time off sleeping.
Maggie requested Amelia return to work briefly to clip her patient's aneurysm. Longing to operate again, Amelia agreed if Maggie made sure Owen wouldn't see her. After the surgery, she made her way out through the ER and decided to step in when Owen's incoming patient needed neuro. While getting the patient into surgery, she admitted to Owen why she was there and that she had planned to avoid him. After surgery, Owen asked her if she wanted to be married to him. She assured him she did, but she was not ready to have the inevitable fight. While Owen decided to let it slide, Amelia told Maggie she knew they had to talk soon.
As soon as she fully returned to work, Owen tried to talk again. As she didn't respond, he told her to figure out what she wanted. When he approached her after a successful surgery, she lashed out and told him she felt bullied and suffocated by him and his wants and needs, even going as far as throwing Cristina in his face. They continued in the stairwell, where she asked him why he wanted a baby so bad. He wanted a family, but she said the two of them were also a family. He found it normal to have children, but she disagreed. Having children might be wonderful, but it might also be terrible and you cannot know what you'll be given. He told her she'd be an amazing mother. She reminded him she already was a mother, for better and for worse. Her own experience with motherhood in mind, she wanted to know if he had also thought about the fact that having a child could be painful instead of wonderful. He didn't reply and she made it clear that life doesn't play by normal rules, and neither does a marriage that lasts.
The confrontation led to the two of them giving each other space, giving Amelia time to support Maggie and her mother when the latter started her cancer treatment and stayed with the sisters. Amelia continued to support and comfort Maggie after her mother passed away. When Owen's pregnant friend was admitted, Amelia didn't visit her and her husband because they were Owen's friends from before she came along. Their love for each other lingered, as Owen briefly hugged Amelia when she was emotional after losing a new mother on the table. To take her mind off the case, Amelia went out with Meredith and Maggie. After Meredith got rid of Derek's tumor drawing and gave it to Amelia, Maggie and Amelia discussed how Meredith had decided to move on from Derek and how she was clearing a path for Nathan, which they decided to support. She calmed Meredith down when she started to freak out over having invited Nathan to meet her kids.
Megan's Return and TumorEdit
At work, Amelia noticed some strange behavior from Owen. When she went to check on him, he revealed the Army came to his house to inform him that his sister Megan had been found alive in a basement in a rebel-led neighborhood. Since he doubted it was really Megan, Amelia took Owen to Meredith's house and made calls to ensure it was Megan. She ended up talking to Teddy Altman, who assured her it was Megan, and arranged a transfer to Grey Sloan. She also called a PTSD expert for Owen and held him while he cried over having given up on his sister. When Meredith came home, Amelia told her the news, after which Meredith took off to go tell Nathan. When an explosion at the hospital rendered the helipad unavailable, Amelia and Owen drove all the way up to Madigan. During the trip, Owen opened up about Megan's positive disposition and how he didn't know what to say to her now. She calmly told him he would once he'd see her. They were welcomed at Madigan by a Lieutenant and a Colonel and received instructions on how to talk to Megan. They were then taken outside in time to see the helicopter land. As Megan was unloaded, Owen held Amelia's hand.
Amelia kept her distance from Megan and Owen while they reunited, but kept doing so once Megan was transferred to Grey Sloan. She chose to focus on a difficult case instead and never checked in with Megan or Owen. This led to Teddy confronting her about it, but Amelia lashed out in return. When Owen finally came to see her and brought up that he thought something was wrong with her, she again lashed out and told him to be with Teddy if that was what he wanted. She managed to remove the difficult tumor albeit by forcing Jackson to help her put the boy's jaw back together. While Jackson thought she got lucky, she credited her own skills. In a mood to celebrate, she volunteered for Carina DeLuca's orgasm study. However, that mood quickly vanished when the MRI showed a giant tumor in her frontal lobe. According to Dr. Thomas Koracick, her former teacher and colleague, the tumor has been growing over the last ten years.
Amelia has spunk and is always very outspoken and charismatic. She is that "badass" type of girl who doesn't let anything or anyone get in her way. She also has a knack for saying the wrong things at the wrong time in uncomfortable or awkward situations. She seems to have slight trust issues also, because of her troubled past and has trouble letting others into her life. After overcoming her drug problems, she appears to have matured. Her dark backstory changed her, although she remains straight-shooting, sarcastic and funny. She sometimes appears to be tough and closed off, but she's occasionally warm and overbearingly compassionate. Callie describes her as "volatile," and she has earned the nickname "Hurricane Amelia."
Throughout her time in Los Angeles, Amelia had several romantic flings, but none very serious.
Amelia got serious with Ryan, whom she met at a club and subsequently slept with. Amelia and Ryan became very close with their common drug addiction, going on a drug binge for twelve days where they slept together and did drugs. He proposed and after she accepted, she gave him her father's watch, which she had stolen from her mother, as an engagement present. After a failed intervention with the Oceanside Wellness Group, Amelia returned to her hotel room with Ryan where they made the pact to "get clean" after consuming the last bit of the drugs they had; Amelia passed out and woke to find Ryan dead next to her. Before his body was taken away, she retrieved the watch from his wrist. After the ordeal, Amelia checked herself into a rehab facility. After she fully recovered, she discovered she was pregnant with Ryan's baby.
She discovered it quite late, because she assumed the symptoms were withdrawal symptoms. When Addison gave Amelia her first ultrasound, she discovered her baby boy was anencephalic, meaning he would be born without a brain. During the pregnancy, Amelia decided to donate her baby's organs to save other babies all over the country. After some difficulties with St. Ambrose Hospital's lawyers and an ethical disagreement with Sam, the baby's organs were donated.
James and Amelia worked together at St. Ambrose. James kept asking her out, but she rejected him. When they finally went out, he didn't kiss her at the end of the date. He did that twice, which is why Amelia decided to go on a date with someone else. When she was getting ready to go to the date, James showed up at her house and said he couldn't stand the anticipation, and they finally kissed, starting off their relationship. At Naomi and Sam's wedding, he told her they were going to be the ones to get married someday. In March 2014, he proposed to her. She accepted, but the fact that she was facing a new kind of life made her freak out and flee to Seattle, to find out if she could live a life like her brother Derek and his wife Meredith. Soon after, she decided to move to Seattle, and ended her relationship with James.
Mark was Derek's childhood friend and often at the Shepherd's home. So Amelia grew up with Mark around. Years later, they had a brief sexual relationship during her first visit to Seattle after the mass shooting. Amelia was shocked when she heard of Mark's death in the aftermath of the plane crash.
After some time in Seattle, Amelia began to bond with Owen, as they could relate to each other's rough pasts and offer support to one another, and quickly found herself developing feelings for him. Having stayed out of the dating game for so long, she wasn't exactly sure how to approach him, but after some awkward encounters with him, she decided to act on her feelings and went to visit him with a bottle of water, which resulted in a kiss.
After helping Ruby save her mom, they hugged. Then they were seen making out in an on-call room and he carried her to a bed. After many interruptions while trying to consummate their affections, they finally slept together after Owen apologized for lashing out at her while his mother was in the hospital.
Amelia confessed to Derek that she was falling in love with Owen, and was afraid it was going to destroy her.
When a surgery went wrong, Amelia accused Owen of only supporting her inferior approach because he had feelings for her. She said she gave up everything from her past life to start fresh in Seattle and that they shouldn't have started dating, as it affected their professional careers. Owen then tried to understand where that was coming from, but after fighting, Owen ended things in an on-call room, calling their relationship a "plane crash."
Later, when Amelia was living with Meredith and Maggie, she was left at the hospital by Meredith and Owen gave her a ride home. When they got there, he attempted to ask her to go to a concert with him and she kissed him.
She and her only brother Derek share a special bond because they were together when they witnessed their father getting shot. Derek resuscitated her once after she overdosed in her youth, and her addiction issues troubled their relationship ever since.
They had their last conversation over the phone as she was operating. He was T-boned by a truck and taken to the small, suburban Dillard Medical Center, which was already swamped with patients from the car crash that Derek had helped with. Meredith was called and decided to pull the plug, something Amelia was among the last people to find out about. This upset her since it robbed her of a chance to say goodbye.
She is very close to her former sister-in-law, Addison, and says that she has always been a better sister to her than her three real sisters. Amelia was the first one to find out about Addison's affair with Mark, but decided to keep it secret because of how close she was to Addison.
Amelia shut out Addison when Addison informed her that her baby had no brain. When Amelia was in labor, she accepted Addison's help and they renewed their friendship. Addison even asked Amelia to be Henry's godmother.
Sheldon helped Amelia give up drugs. After Amelia's rehabilitation, Sheldon had a hard time forgiving her for the mistakes she made when she was using. After a short time, they reconciled. Amelia mentioned to him that he had to live a long life, so that she could make everything he did for her up to him.
Amelia and Charlotte were close friends. After Charlotte was raped, they bonded over their similar drug history. They went to AA meetings together and looked out for each other. Charlotte was very protective over Amelia when she knew of her new developed cravings for alcohol. When Amelia slipped and drank before being paged to operate on a patient, Charlotte took her privilege to operate and fired her. After she hurt her hand in a bar, Sheldon took her to the hospital so that she could fix it. At the same time, Pete suffered a heart attack and Amelia was paged to help Sam in the OR to save Pete's life. Still technically not allowed to operate, Amelia still went and helped. Charlotte checked on her but let her do her thing anyway.
After the surgery, Charlotte talked to Amelia again about her addiction. Amelia argued she had never been an alcoholic and her problem were pills. Charlotte disagreed and told her she was still suspended until she got help because she refused to support her addiction any longer.
To prove that she was able to operate again, Amelia showed Charlotte her one month chip from AA. Charlotte still didn't give her her job back. After talking to Sheldon though, Charlotte gave in and let Amelia take a breathalizer test to see if she wasn't lying. She was sober. They made a deal that Amelia could operate again, but would have to take a breath test every morning for a while.
After Amelia's friend Michelle died, she turned to drugs again. Charlotte eventually noticed her changed behavior and confronted her about her drug use. Amelia quit the practice as a consequence.
When Amelia broke into the practice to get her prescription pad, the police wanted to arrest her. Charlotte arrived and identified Amelia to protect her. As Amelia wanted to leave, Charlotte knew she had her prescription pad to get more drugs. She begged Amelia to accept her help but Amelia stormed off.
Charlotte then initiated the intervention in hope of saving Amelia. Amelia said some hurtful things during this time but after she got out of rehab 50 days later, Charlotte welcomed her back nevertheless. Their friendship survived Amelia's relapse.
When Amelia found out about her brainless baby, Charlotte tried to talk to her several times but was shut down. When she wanted to donate the baby's organs, Charlotte did everything she could to make that happen despite her own opinion on the donation.
When Charlotte was pregnant, Amelia helped her through that time very often. While Charlotte was in labor and therefore in a lot of pain, Amelia walked with her and helped her by soothing the pain with a special grip that Jake had helped her with once.
She is board certified in neurosurgery and was employed as one of Dr. Geraldine Ginsberg's teaching fellows until Ginsberg fired her for discussing with a patient's husband a surgery that Ginsberg did not recommend and considered highly experimental, which was successful.
She is a world-class neurosurgeon like Derek and although talking to her brother about her situation could help her find a new position she does not want to call him because of the "lectures and the "I told you so"s and the "You screwed up again"s that she fears will follow. Amelia takes risks in surgeries and at times appears very confident in her own abilities but when problems arise she can become overwhelmed with self-doubt. Sam had to push her to finish her surgery on Addison's comatose patient after complications arose.
After she was fired by Dr. Ginsberg, Amelia worked as a neurosurgeon at the Oceanside Wellness Group. After this practice was dissolved, Amelia continued working at Seaside Health and Wellness, the successor of the Oceanside Wellness Group. While working at both practices, Amelia held hospital privileges at St. Ambrose Hospital.
A few years later, she went to Seattle to visit her brother and sister-in-law as well as their kids. While she was there, she was given privileges at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital and eventually started taking over her brother's practice. Since he planned to move to D.C., she took over his job and became the Head of Neurosurgery.
Notes and TriviaEdit
- She has a freckle that looks like Indiana.
- She claims to be "freakishly" good at stitching.
- Although she mentioned Derek is the only one who can call her Amy, Meredith calls her Amy and has her in her phone address book under the name Amy as well.
- Amelia was contacted when Derek needed a nerve after the plane crash, but she didn't answer the call and presumably never replied to the message Heather left her. It can be presumed she didn't want to go through uncomfortable and possibly painful medical procedures so shortly after getting sober as it might have amped up her craving for pills.
- Bokhee is her favorite scrub nurse.
- Because Amelia completed a surgical residency prior to a neurosurgery fellowship, she is also board certified in general surgery, but because neurosurgery is considered a sub-specialty of general surgery, Amelia is not "double-board certified", as board certification in general surgery is required to obtain board certification in neurosurgery.
- She said to Owen that she lost all the men she loved, referring to her father, her brother, her son, and her fiancé.
- She doesn't wear panties.
- Amelia knew she wanted to be a surgeon since she was 6.
- Amelia has referred to herself, Meredith, and Maggie as "Lady Chief Trifecta", "The House of Lady Chiefs", and "Sister Lady Chiefs".
- Amelia has a fireworks-themed personalized scrub cap.
- Classical music puts Amelia to sleep.
- Amelia is right handed.
- She speaks German. She also speaks French on a subconscious level because of the French preschool she attended.
- Her mortality rate is 0.9%.
- She likes to put the thermostat to "boiling".
A more complete gallery with pictures of Amelia Shepherd can be found here.
These episodes are Amelia-centric or otherwise very informative about her life.
- Have You Seen Me Lately?
- Who We Are
- The Breaking Point
- You Break My Heart
- Gone, Baby, Gone
- Good Fries Are Hard to Come By
- Change of Heart
- Could We Start Again, Please?
- Staring at the End
- The Distance
- Family Affair
- Get Off on the Pain
- Go Big or Go Home
- Ain't That a Kick in the Head
- Amelia: I can remove the tumor and the carotid infiltrated together, you have to put a catheter in the femoral ball in a precise position, inflate them to stop the blood flow, making two arteriotomies, attach a heparinized shunt and restore irrigation.
- Lexie: That's all?
- Amelia: Ohhh ... and do it in ninety seconds. Any longer and she strokes out.
- Amelia: When I was a kid, my dad was shot in front of me. You know, what helped keep me going, was my mother. Every night before bed she said ‘goodnight, I love you. I will see you tomorrow.’ and there was no confusion. There was no doubt that she loved me enough for both of them, and that even in his absence she would be there, always.
- Amelia: I'm an adult. Do you think that means I miss my father any less? He never saw me become a surgeon, he's not gonna walk me down the aisle, he's not gonna see my kids. I would give anything, Addison. Anything to have him. I mean you're talking about 10 or 15 good years, I am talking about a lifetime... if someone would have given me a chance to have him for all of it... (Walks away crying)
- Amelia: Have you ever seen an anencephalic baby?
- James: What?
- Amelia: I gave birth to one, not that long ago. I held him for a few minutes and then I donated his organs. They took him out of my arms and they took him apart. And if I let myself drink I would never stop. You're asking me out because you look at me and you think we're about the same age, we could have fun. I might have made the same mistake if I were you. But we're not the same age. I'm about a hundred years older than I look.
- Amelia: Everyone's been looking at me, waiting for me to fall apart, or freak out, or just become a mess. Like some bomb everyone thinks is supposed to go off. My mother was calling three, four times a day. Addison was calling. Everyone. Makes sense. It's natural. Every man I've ever loved has died. Including my baby. Thank you, universe. So, I should be, like Greek tragedy, turned to stone, bat-crap crazy, but I'm good. I got this. I am fine. I'm telling you, I'm amazing. I am saving lives left and right. I am putting butts in the seats in that O.R. gallery. I mean, people are fighting to hear me lecture. I am entertaining. Joke, joke, joke! I'm funny! I'm fun! I'm a party! I'm doing I'm great! I'm handling the dead-Derek thing really well.
- Derek: Look, I'm… I'm trying to help you. Please, don't put yourself through this. You're too fragile.
- Amelia: I am not fragile. I'm a drug addict. I've fallen off the wagon twice and I've gotten back on it. That doesn't make you fragile, Derek, that makes you very freaking strong. I am standing in a building full of pills right now, a fact that I am painfully aware of … But I am doing this. That is not fragile.
- Amelia: My father was murdered. My brother and I were there when it happened. I was just a kid at the time, but the bottom fell out of my whole world. I was.. There was a dark place, and I was in it. Until one day this friend gave me a pill. And I took it, and all of a sudden I felt okay. Better than okay. I felt good, and so I kept taking them and I felt.. great. And when people would try to stop me and tell me it wasn't real, I would just laugh. Because it was real. How I felt, it was better. It was better than being miserable. But it almost killed me. I was dead for three minutes, and let me tell you, when you are lying on a stretcher, gasping for what you think are your last breaths, you don't think that dying happy is better than living sad. Dying sucks. It hurts. In a way that I can't describe to you. And no, I don't believe that people can change. I don't believe that you'll change, but maybe I'm wrong. And hell, maybe you will wake up from the surgery and you will be happy. But if you're dead.. if you're rotting in the ground from some tumor that ate your brain, you don't get a chance to find that out. One more thing, and then I'll go. I'm not a religious person. I don't believe in God. But if I did, I wouldn't believe in a God that wanted you to die the horrible, painful death that you will experience from a giant tumor that will take away your ability to speak, and see, and go to the bathroom, and breathe on your own. That can't be good.
- Amelia: In the beginning everyone's there, but then they forget.
- Amelia: The key, though, win or lose, is not to fail. And the only way to fail is not to fight. So you fight until you can't fight anymore. Hold up you head and enter the arena, and face the enemy. Fight until you can't fight anymore, never let go, never give up, never run, never surrender. Fight the good fight, you fight even when it seems inevitable that you're about to go down swinging. Why do we even try when the barriers are so high and the odds are so low? Why don't we just pack it in and go home? It would be so, so much easier. It's because in the end, there's no glory in easy. No one remembers easy. They remember the blood and the bones and the long, agonizing fight to the top. And that is how you become legendary.
- Amelia: If you aren't willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping, even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed.
- Stephanie: Okay. I have everything set up. You will have all of your films. Your favorite scrub nurse. (pauses) What is happening?
- Amelia: I'm being a superhero.
- Stephanie: Okay.
- Amelia: There's a scientific study that shows that if you stand like this, in superhero pose, for just five minutes before a job interview or a big presentation or a really hard task, you will not only feel more confident, you will perform measurably better.
- Amelia: Life will always find a way to continue. Always. Life will out.
- Amelia: At least you know what you want. I mean, you know who you are and what you want and what's important to you. Me, I'm a mess. I don't have anything, or anyone, or even any kind of idea who I am, or what I am doing, or why. And I have done stuff. I have done bad stuff and I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
- Amelia: People don't change. They modify. They adjust. Underneath, we are who we are. People just get better at covering up their flaws.
- Amelia: I don't know how to apologize. I don't know how. I wanna take back everything I said, I know I can't. I was sick, and I was scared. And I didn't mean…I wanted to hurt you, I was trying to hurt you and I think I succeeded. And if I could change that, if I could go back and unsay…If I could go back and undo…The drugs… some people think that alcohol and drugs bring out the truth…Maybe that's the case with normal people, I don't know. I won't ever know. But I know that with me the drugs bring out lies, they bring out hate, and they bring out cruelty and viciousness, and those things are not me. They are not the real me. The real me is the person that you knew before the drugs, the real me is the person that is sitting here now. And I hope that you believe me when I say how sorry I am. But even if you don't believe me I have to say it anyway because I wanna live. The man I loved died and I think that he would be…I think that he would be so pissed at me if I died too so, I'm saying that I'm sorry and I'm saying that I hope you can forgive me. I hope I can forgive myself. I can't take it back but I'm gonna try to move forward and I'm going to try to do better. I'm gonna try to never hurt any of you ever again.
- Amelia: Can I say one thing? She loved him, there was a reason. She loved him for a reason. That's what I hold on to, Derek loved her. Your sister loved Riggs, so there's good in there. That makes him family and that means that maybe he deserves another chance.
- Amelia: You're gonna say it's because, technically, a child with a working brain stem can't be declared brain dead even though he'll never walk or talk or move or eat, even though he's missing the parts of his brain that he needs to have a life. Not just be alive, but have a life. To love, to think, to know words and feelings, to be conscious. You're gonna talk to me about medicine and technicalities and the failings of science. Yeah. But the thing is, that's not why you won't do the harvest. It's because it's unimaginable. What I'm asking you to do is unimaginable. It's horrible. It's excruciating. I'm asking you to help dismantle my baby for parts. And there's no piece of anyone's soul that can hold that and feel okay. But I'm asking. I'm asking you. I'm his mother. And I'm asking you to do this. And you want to know why? It's because I did a little research, Sam. Science. In Chicago, there's this baby girl, 6 weeks old, with pulmonary hypertension who needs new lungs. Outside Detroit there is a 10-day-old boy who was born blind, but could see if he had new corneas. I read this blog about this 14-month-old kid named Gideon in San Diego who's been on a heart-lung machine for months because he needs one tiny valve in his heart. There's burned babies who need skin. There's infants who need livers, and toddlers who need kidneys, and there's even this one 4-month-old girl named Lulu who needs a multiple-organ transplant. My baby could save all of those babies. He could be responsible for kids leaving the hospital and going home and growing up and falling in love and having sex and arguing with their boyfriends and making mistakes and living and maybe not ruining their lives with drugs. What I'm asking you to do is unimaginable. But it's also everything those other mothers could ever imagine. I'm his mom. And I'm asking you to do this. If I can get there, why can't you?
|Grey's Anatomy, Season 7|
|#01||"With You I'm Born Again"||#09||"Slow Night, So Long"||#17||"This is How We Do It"|
|#02||"Shock to the System"||#10||"Adrift and at Peace"||#18||"Song Beneath the Song"|
|#03||"Superfreak"||#11||"Disarm"||#19||"It's a Long Way Back"|
|#04||"Can't Fight Biology"||#12||"Start Me Up"||#20||"White Wedding"|
|#05||"Almost Grown"||#13||"Don't Deceive Me (Please Don't Go)"||#21||"I Will Survive"|
|#06||"These Arms of Mine"||#14||"P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)"||#22||"Unaccompanied Minor"|
|#07||"That's Me Trying"||#15||"Golden Hour"|
|#08||"Something's Gotta Give"||#16||"Not Responsible"|
|Grey's Anatomy, Season 8|
|#01||"Free Falling"||#09||"Dark Was the Night"||#17||"One Step Too Far"|
|#02||"She's Gone"||#10||"Suddenly"||#18||"The Lion Sleeps Tonight"|
|#03||"Take the Lead"||#11||"This Magic Moment"||#19||"Support System"|
|#04||"What is It About Men"||#12||"Hope for the Hopeless"||#20||"The Girl with No Name"|
|#05||"Love, Loss and Legacy"||#13||"If/Then"||#21||"Moment of Truth"|
|#06||"Poker Face"||#14||"All You Need is Love"||#22||"Let the Bad Times Roll"|
|#07||"Put Me In, Coach"||#15||"Have You Seen Me Lately?"||#23||"Migration"|
|#08||"Heart-Shaped Box"||#16||"If Only You Were Lonely"||#24||"Flight"|
|Grey's Anatomy, Season 10|
|#01||"Seal Our Fate"||#09||"Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word"||#17||"Do You Know?"|
|#02||"I Want You With Me"||#10||"Somebody That I Used to Know"||#18||"You Be Illin'"|
|#03||"Everybody's Crying Mercy"||#11||"Man on the Moon"||#19||"I'm Winning"|
|#04||"Puttin' on the Ritz"||#12||"Get Up, Stand Up"||#20||"Go It Alone"|
|#05||"I Bet It Stung"||#13||"Take It Back"||#21||"Change of Heart"|
|#06||"Map of You"||#14||"You've Got to Hide Your Love Away"||#22||"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"|
|#07||"Thriller"||#15||"Throwing it All Away"||#23||"Everything I Try to Do, Nothing Seems to Turn Out Right"|
|#08||"Two Against One"||#16||"We Gotta Get Out of This Place"||#24||"Fear (of the Unknown)"|
|Grey's Anatomy, Season 11|
|#01||"I Must Have Lost It on the Wind"||#09||"Where Do We Go From Here"||#17||"With or Without You"|
|#02||"Puzzle With a Piece Missing"||#10||"The Bed's Too Big Without You"||#18||"When I Grow Up"|
|#03||"Got to Be Real"||#11||"All I Could Do Was Cry"||#19||"Crazy Love"|
|#04||"Only Mama Knows"||#12||"The Great Pretender"||#20||"One Flight Down"|
|#05||"Bend & Break"||#13||"Staring at the End"||#21||"How to Save a Life"|
|#06||"Don't Let's Start"||#14||"The Distance"||#22||"She's Leaving Home"|
|#07||"Could We Start Again, Please?"||#15||"I Feel the Earth Move"||#23||"Time Stops"|
|#08||"Risk"||#16||"Don't Dream It's Over"||#24||"You're My Home"|
|Grey's Anatomy, Season 12|
|#01||"Sledgehammer"||#09||"The Sound of Silence"||#17||"I Wear the Face"|
|#02||"Walking Tall"||#10||"All I Want is You"||#18||"There's a Fine, Fine Line"|
|#03||"I Choose You"||#11||"Unbreak My Heart"||#19||"It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)"|
|#04||"Old Time Rock and Roll"||#12||"My Next Life"||#20||"Trigger Happy"|
|#05||"Guess Who's Coming to Dinner"||#13||"All Eyez on Me"||#21||"You're Gonna Need Someone on Your Side"|
|#06||"The Me Nobody Knows"||#14||"Odd Man Out"||#22||"Mama Tried"|
|#07||"Something Against You"||#15||"I Am Not Waiting Anymore"||#23||"At Last"|
|#08||"Things We Lost in the Fire"||#16||"When It Hurts So Bad"||#24||"Family Affair"|
|Grey's Anatomy, Season 13|
|#01||"Undo"||#09||"You Haven't Done Nothin'"||#17||"Till I Hear It From You"|
|#02||"Catastrophe and the Cure"||#10||"You Can Look (But You'd Better Not Touch)"||#18||"Be Still, My Soul"|
|#03||"I Ain't No Miracle Worker"||#11||"Jukebox Hero"||#19||"What's Inside"|
|#04||"Falling Slowly"||#12||"None of Your Business"||#20||"In the Air Tonight"|
|#05||"Both Sides Now"||#13||"It Only Gets Much Worse"||#21||"Don't Stop Me Now"|
|#06||"Roar"||#14||"Back Where You Belong"||#22||"Leave It Inside"|
|#07||"Why Try to Change Me Now"||#15||"Civil War"||#23||"True Colors"|
|#08||"The Room Where It Happens"||#16||"Who Is He (And What Is He To You)?"||#24||"Ring of Fire"|
|Grey's Anatomy, Season 14|
|#01||"Break Down the House"||#09||"Four Seasons in One Day"||#17|
|#02||"Get Off on the Pain"||#10||#18|
|#03||"Go Big or Go Home"||#11||#19|
|#04||"Ain't That a Kick in the Head"||#12||#20|
|#06||"Come on Down to My Boat, Baby"||#14||#22|
|#07||"Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story"||#15||#23|
|#08||"Out of Nowhere"||#16||#24|
|Private Practice, Season 3|
|#01||"A Death in the Family"||#09||"The Parent Trap"||#17||"Triangles"|
|#02||"The Way We Were"||#10||"Blowups"||#18||"Pulling the Plug"|
|#03||"Right Here, Right Now"||#11||"Another Second Chance"||#19||"Eyes Wide Open"|
|#04||"Pushing the Limits"||#12||"Best Laid Plans"||#20||"Second Choices"|
|#06||"Slip Slidin' Away"||#14||"Love Bites"||#22||"In the Name of Love"|
|#07||"The Hard Part"||#15||"'Til Death Do Us Part"||#23||"The End of a Beautiful Friendship"|
|#08||"Sins of the Father"||#16||"Fear of Flying"|
|Private Practice, Season 4|
|#01||"Take Two"||#09||"Can't Find My Way Back Home"||#17||"A Step Too Far"|
|#02||"Short Cuts"||#10||"Just Lose It"||#18||"The Hardest Part"|
|#03||"Playing God"||#11||"If You Don't Know Me By Now"||#19||"What We Have Here..."|
|#04||"A Better Place to Be"||#12||"Heaven Can Wait"||#20||"Something Old, Something New"|
|#05||"In or Out"||#13||"Blind Love"||#21||"God Bless the Child"|
|#06||"All in the Family"||#14||"Home Again"||#22||"...To Change the Things I Can"|
|#07||"Did You Hear What Happened to Charlotte King?"||#15||"Two Steps Back"|
|#08||"What Happens Next"||#16||"Love and Lies"|
|Private Practice, Season 5|
|#01||"God Laughs"||#09||"The Breaking Point"||#17||"The Letting Go"|
|#02||"Breaking the Rules"||#10||"Are You My Mother?"||#18||"It Was Inevitable"|
|#03||"Deal With It"||#11||"The Standing Eight Count"||#19||"And Then There Was One"|
|#04||"Remember Me"||#12||"Losing Battles"||#20||"True Colors"|
|#05||"Step One"||#13||"The Time Has Come"||#21||"Drifting Back"|
|#06||"If I Hadn't Forgotten..."||#14||"Too Much"||#22||"Gone, Baby, Gone"|
|#07||"Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough"||#15||"You Break My Heart"|
|#08||"Who We Are"||#16||"Andromeda"|
|Private Practice, Season 6|
|#01||"Aftershock"||#06||"Apron Strings"||#11||"Good Fries Are Hard to Come By"|
|#02||"Mourning Sickness"||#07||"The World According to Jake"||#12||"Full Release"|
|#03||"Good Grief"||#08||"Life Support"||#13||"In Which We Say Goodbye"|
|#04||"You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone"||#09||"I'm Fine"|
|#05||"The Next Episode"||#10||"Georgia on My Mind"|